


Of Wanting

by deathwailart



Series: Dragon Knights [OLD] [10]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Elves, F/F, High Fantasy, Knights - Freeform, Nymphs & Dryads, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 08:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/672210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathwailart/pseuds/deathwailart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ilea wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Wanting

Ilea wants. She wants many things; to be master of her own destiny, to atone for the sins of her forebears, the crimes they committed and still continue to inflict, to wander all of Stjarnacado, the east, the west, the south. She wants to know all of Tanis, to be known in return. Wants laughter and smiles to come as easily as breathing. To wake up to a warm arm draped across her always holding her close to someone who can throw off heat like a furnace. Or to be allowed to do the same to Tanis who is softer in the dark when it's just them and no one else. Ilea wants to be able to walk the streets of Tishlen hand in hand with Tanis. She would see Tanis accorded all the honours a knight is due for she is worthy of them, far more so than any elven knight Ilea has ever met.  
  
Ilea wants to plant forests with Oran's help because she has earned the friendship of a nymph and wants to give something back to her. Oran with her bright smiles and easy nature who cares not for the conventions of elves or humans and who follows them on their journey because she wants to and feels it is right. She asks and says what she wants, open and honest – there is no lying in her for nymphs have never been inclined to deceit or falsehoods. Ilea wants that if she is honest with herself; there must be a freedom to it, to being true to yourself and nature itself for that is all that is expected of a nymph. Not like her or Tanis who do not belong to themselves but to their people with duty heavy upon them, expectation a burden they've always known. They are learning to shed those layers but it is hard when it seems to be in their bones and pores, deep in the centre of their being wrapping around their hearts and something deeper no races have a name for.  
  
Ilea wants to wake one day and feel light as air. All her burdens lifted from her shoulders, the weight of the past no longer threatening to drag her down. It's an impossible desire when she belongs to a race who lives for hundreds of years assuming nothing untoward happens to them – she knows she will live to see so many things and it could be that she will watch their empire begin to crumble due to the scarcity of elven births. It has been almost a century since she was born, the last child born to the royalty of Tishlen and the only girl. Before she left on her quest it was rare to see pregnant women on the streets baring their bellies with pride. Maybe there will come a day when there simply are none so that they will slowly fade away into unhappy memories leaving Stjarnacado to the nymphs and humans. Who knows when it comes to the dwarves in their caves but she hopes they will fade away too after the part they played in making their world what it is today. It's not a happy thought because she still loves her people but she knows what they've done in stripping away the rights and heritage of the humans and prompting nymphs into hiding or sacrifice. It's fitting that they should see their power wane. Perhaps if they lose their grip the humans will rise up to crush them, aiding their demise. At times it is on the tip of her tongue to speak of such things to Oran who sees the world through very different eyes but she can never get the words out. Oran might be too honest. Ilea doesn't know what answer she wants, all she knows is that she doesn't want more hurt.  
  
Between the three of them they have enough for several lifetimes.  
  
Still Oran's people might have the best answers. They go back to the world after they die sprouting up anew as trees or transforming into pools and rivers. Everything they are makes the world more beautiful, more wild. Ilea's people try to tame it often through brute force. She cannot speak of this so bluntly to Tanis. Tanis who sees life as a thing to be suffered and endured. There is no happy ending in her eyes even if humans regain their rights' when so much has been lost then what is left to provide a foundation upon which they can rebuild?? She's seen the agony on Tanis' face when she can only recall the names of three of the great dragons they once revered. The pain in her eyes when, through Oran's often indelicate prompting and questions, she opens up just a fraction. Ilea wants to banish such things, to strip them away so Tanis might see herself as Ilea sees her: strong, proud, brave, impulsive, built to last. Whenever Tanis uses her magic it makes Ilea's breath catch in her throat because magic is something primal that Ilea will never know. It scares her. Magic is dangerous with the potential to cause catastrophic destruction but it makes her heart beat all the faster whenever it's used.  
  
Tanis isn't the only one who loves danger.  
  
Ilea wants to know the truth about the dragons for Tanis. For when Tanis allows it, when Ilea needs a comfort she cannot explain, the heartbeat that soothes her to sleep doesn't come from a human heart. It's a dragon's heart that has lived in many chests and even though Ilea doggedly refuses to think about it, it will continue to beat in many other chests after Tanis dies, a fate the knight believes is not far off. It's the fate of elves to outlast humans, even dwarves in their caves and the living forms of the nymphs but it never mattered to her before even though she watched as slaves in the palace grew old and useless before they were replaced by someone young, hale and hearty. It's an excruciating mix of scorching shame and embarrassment that fills her when she realises how long she thought of human lives as replaceable things. She had more sympathy for them than others or was it curiosity? Her parents and elders confused her on the subject telling her how to think and how to act until she pushed those feelings down and agreed with the way things were. But part of her always wanted to question it and did until she learned better – after rebukes and punishments – and stopped, biting her tongue and averting her eyes instead.  
  
No more. Never again. She will start anew with a human and a nymph, both good friends – the first true friends she has had in all her life. They've helped her to grow and she likes to think she has done the same. They challenge her. They care about _Ilea_ not the princess of Tishlen and that makes all the difference. What she has with Tanis isn't perfect, it's messy, complicated, sometimes it hurts and threatens to drive her crazy but at the same time it's honest, open, visceral. It's what she wants, it's what Tanis wants and that they're both free to choose and have made the same choice is more than Ilea can comprehend. Their lives have never offered them much freedom, not really.  
  
It's what makes one want hurt because of how impossible it is. She wants Tanis by her side always, wild and free with those broad shoulders and challenging tilt to her chin with her dragon heart lulling Ilea to sleep every night. Tanis will grow old perhaps. Old, grey, stiff joints, aches and pains. Sickness might strike at any time. A wound no amount of herbs and magic can heal. They might all die on this quest – no matter what it is, Ilea will be parted from Tanis all too soon. It doesn't stop her from wanting though, it never will.


End file.
